‘You’re Hot’

I talk about my understand about gender differences surrounding vlogging and the YouTube community.

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39 thoughts on “‘You’re Hot’”

  1. Hi,

    That was an interesting video. The main point I would like to add is that this behaviour is a consequence of us living in a patriarchal society. All advertisments, films, popular culture focus on women’s ‘beauty’ and men’s violent/aggressive/dominating ‘nature’. Women see their bodies displayed like cattle in a market every day for men to look at. Just look at any ad, poster etc. This causes women to lose SO much time worrying about how they look, or if they are good enough to be looked at and causes both men and women to judge them according to how well they fit in with the idealized version of beauty.

    This means that women’s sexuality is constantly being judged by the world, whilst men’s sexuality is protected. It HAS to be this way for patriarchy to remain. Men have to be confident and women have to be in pieces waiting for approval. If women’s bodies were left alone and women were not forced to worry so much about their appearance, they would have more time to put into important things. This would be a great step to equality, but a lot of people are not ready to leave patriarchy behind. Hence behaviours like you described will continue.

  2. Great post, I’m glad you got freshly pressed and more people can hear what you said! It will also be refreshing and possibly more valued having this perspective coming from a man (for the reasons you already talked about in your vid).

    I’d just like to point out this happens beyond youtube though. My personal experience: I was denied a scholarship because “I needed to lose weight”. How’s that for ignoring hard work and effort? :/

  3. Really interesting. I think the problem is that very often we are not patient enough to judge people by the content of their words. I remember one time when I was at home in Germany, Angela Merkel was on TV making a speech on a serious topic. A friend of mine immediately commented on her looks and didn’t care about her words in the slightest. It was as if he was watching an animal’s behaviour and not understanding the language that was spoken. I’m sure that a big issue is time and our patience. It’s scary how impatient many people are these days.

  4. Firstly, congratulations on the Freshly Pressed! Also, thank you for bringing more light to this. You’re not the first person to speak on this and won’t be the last, but your poignant arguments and observations reached many ears and for that I’m grateful. It’s never going to stop completely, but the more awareness there is, the better. You’re really cute, by the way. ;p

    1. That’s a great post. If society is ever going to take gender inequality seriously we need to look to gender roles from an early age as well as all other ages. There are some good citations in there as well. Thanks for sharing that :)

  5. Well done lad. Congrats on being Freshly Pressed as well. I enjoyed your bit and like the way you speak. I have a saying I use; ‘All women are beautiful…….some moreso than others”. I am an elder and still enjoy looking at them. I look forward to your future work. Cheers.

  6. Congratulations on being Fresh Pressed. Loved the post. A link to the 2 vlogs would have been good so that I could have seen the vlogs and read the comments.

    What you’re saying is pretty self evident if you look at the comments on music videos. Male singers get praised/ slagged for the singing, female singers get sexist comments/ slurs for their looks. When I first watched Adele performing ‘Someone Like You’ I was absolutely blown away with the lyrics, the music and the delivery but there were many comments about her being ‘fat’. Wasn’t Paveroti fat? Did anyone mention it? No.

    1. There is a reason people care about how women look more then men. God gave the glory and responsibility of bearing the image of beauty to women and strength to men. We will never escape this no matter how hard we try.

        1. It’s interesting that our culture puts women up on a box to be admired like cattle but then blames our nation’s Christian heritage for the way women are treated. Respectfully saying that God gave men and women different roles and both should be shown respect for their strengths sounds better than the message we get from pop culture to me.
          It’s easy to say “men are just pigs” but it’s just as easy to say mean things about women (which I will not do). Our culture bashes men but doesn’t offer any real alternative (except for homosexuality) and boys grow up believing they are just dumb sex addicts who shouldn’t ever attempt to be more than that.

        2. This is an incredibly sexist comment, you might offend some people by spreading such hatred. I am terribly sorry you feel that way, but the good news is, reality does not correspond with either your view or your emotions. Good luck in life!

          1. replying to comments is not ‘spreading the word’ – I’ll leave that to people who believe in fairies.

            I’ve never met a man who wasn’t a pig at heart, although we’re pretty good at acting well in public. I do include myself in the porcine group.

      1. Dan, if you’re right, then why did God make so many unattractive women and puny men? Your God is a rather cruel joker, isn’t he? What you’re saying is that unlovely women are worthless in God’s eyes, as are physically weak men, since these attributes are the “Glory and Responsibility” of each sex. I would have thought the G&R of both sexes is being a loving, compassionate person, as Jesus taught.
        Besides, I for one appreciate a Beautiful Man.

  7. Well said and congrats on being Freshly Pressed! I love how you say that you’ve met people from all walks of life and how that is amazing, since that’s the way I feel as well. I love interacting with the “blog family” I’ve developed over time and am constantly fascinated by their responses to what I put online.

    It’s sad that sexism is so prevalent on YouTube. Maybe some part of that is due to the anonymity that commenters can hide behind. I have to wonder — if people were required to put their names and locations each time they comment, would they still be as forthright? Maybe or maybe not.

    It would be an interesting YouTube experiment if a vlogger went on and got the audience convinced of his or her unattractiveness, then revealed their true self later. Hmmmm. Might make some people rethink their perspectives. I can dream.

  8. Great vlog. Unfortunately I have a feeling that most of the look comments come from a female audience. From what I experienced, guys would focus just on saying if they would be interested in that type of woman, while women have wider range on insults and degradations based on looks but extending to all spheres of private life. Quite sad, honestly.
    If I may, a small critique: try not to move your hands so fast and so much, it was districting sometimes.

  9. It´s true, but this also applies to all women that somehow dare to take up place in the spotlight. Actresses, politicians, news anchors are being kept in place by constantly being judged on, and therefor constantly having to spend time and energy obsessing about, their looks. They say that diets are the greatest invention by patriarchy making sure that women never reaches total equality in society. Diets make you weak, and spending hours and hours working on your appearance, making sure you fit the mould, because nobody listens to an ugly woman, will always make you a few steps behind the men of the world.

  10. “If it happened every single day, I would probably be somewhat annoyed that people were looking at me and not really giving a damn about anything that I had to say.”

    Welcome to the world of attractive women. When I opened a snow removal business and hired my first employee, I took him out with me to train him on new customers. The customers ignored me completely and only spoke to him, even after I shook their hand and introduced myself as the owner. I had to physically stand in front of him before the clients would deal with me. He was a shy man with a retiring presence while I am an energetic, sharp dynamo, so no contest there. Humorously, even my truck was twice the size of his. Yet, I caught clients trying to take him aside when they thought I wasn’t looking and talk him into cutting them deals without my permission. I had to let him go.

    In an interior painting side business, I thought I was hired for my experience and skill. One slap on my fanny from the client, coupled with a “Good girl,” ended THAT assumption. Turns out he choose me because he thought the scenery would be better while I worked in his house. I ignored it and focused on the money that I so desperately needed to make it through that month. In the end, he decided to pay half the agreed amount because, and I quote, “All you did was slap a little paint around. I could have hired a PAINTER, you know.”

    When my hobbies were weight lifting and mountain climbing, I tried to hang out with people of similar interests. At parties, when a group of men were discussing either topic, they’d only let me into the circle to brag about themselves and flirt with me. As soon as I opened my mouth and showed them that I actually knew what I was talking about (or far worse, knew more than they did), the conversation either died on the spot and they moved away one by one, or they switched gears into aggressive sexual topics and filthy language in order to put me in my place or scare me off. I usually told a filthy joke or two of my own to keep my standing but it felt like a mental regression and was not at all why I drove all the way across town that night to meet new people.

    Many ladies go to dramatic lengths to stop this ubiquitous, yet insidious, form of harassment. I lopped off a foot and a half of my bright blonde hair, stopped wearing most make up, adopted a loose, sporty style of clothing, and whipped out my educated, direct, polysyllabic speaking lexicon on a daily basis and I could still sense men “talking me up” instead of “talking to me.” (Some male friends even switched gears, yelling epithets at me for making the change and removing their eye candy without their permission. Yes, that really happened.)

    It took a strategic retreat from society to end the harassment completely, then I emerged again gradually, carefully picking my friends via lengthy emotional background checks with the assiduousness of a Secret Service recruiter. But I was lucky; I could have been one of the ones who resorted to an addiction or eating disorder to get a handle on their anxiety and frustration. All I did was get angry and stop wearing mascara.

      1. Strong on the outside, sure. Lonely, hurt, and forever wary on the inside. The men were nothing compared to the women. If you want to know real cruelty, grow up as a girl and then a woman who has witnessed firsthand the lengths her gender will go to in order to neutralize one of their own. Ever see a flock of chickens peck a chick to death? Like that.

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